Summary:Johnny's getting outed as bi by the press, Sue is angry because he didn't tell her and Bobby's ex-boyfriend/best-friend/arch-nemesis wanted a word with him, too and the day had started so nicely with sex and breakfast.
Request Used:Character/pairing request 4: Iceman/Johnny Storm
Specific request: Friendship, slashy, crime fighting - whatever you most want to write about. I'd love to see Sue around too, or Ben.
Rating/Spoilers:R/ BobbyJohnny and past BobbyJohn
The title belongs to the Panic! at the Disco song with the same title.
The day began with coffee and cornflakes for breakfast in Johnny’s case and with ice—cream and juice in Bobby’s and with lots of morning sex both on the bed and in the shower despite Bobby’s loud and continuous protest that he would be late for work.
‘You’re an accountant.’ Johnny whined: ‘What kind of accountant is that eager to be on time for work?’
‘At least I have a proper job.’ Bobby deadpanned.
‘Hey,’ Johnny protested: ‘Modeling is a proper job, too.’
‘Being photographed whenever you leave a building can hardly be called modeling.’
‘I’m not being photographed when I leave your building.’ Johnny pointed out: ‘Dating an accountant, no one would ever let me live that down.’
‘I’m a superhero, too.’ Bobby reminded him.
‘Yeah, in your spare time.’ Instead of answering, Bobby iced Johnny’s coffee and ignored his outcries of injustice while grabbing his jacket and suitcase to go to work.
Johnny finished his cornflakes and Bobby’s left-over ice-cream while carefully reheating his coffee. With Bobby it didn’t bother him that he had the keys to Bobby’s flat, mainly because four X-Men, two of Bobby’s coworkers and his ex-boyfriend/best-friend/arch-nemesis had a key.
Locking the door, he went to the roof to fly home. Reed made them take their suits with them all the time so there was no reason why he shouldn’t use it. Flying in non-combat situations usually got him a scowl from Sue and a comment from Ben, not today though Ben was on vacation with Alicia und unreachable unless they encountered an alien invasion.
What Johnny did not expect to happen was that as soon as he walked inside Sue slapped him in the face.
‘Ow!’ Johnny exclaimed and held his cheek: ‘What did I do?’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Sue demanded to know, brandishing a newspaper like a weapon.
‘Tell you what?’ Johnny asked flabbergasted. She held the paper out for him to read. The front page declared in bold letters:
HUMAN TORCH AND ICEMAN: OPPOSITES ATTRACT
Complete with a couple rather intimate photos of him and Bobby that looked like they had been shot through Bobby’s bedroom windows.
‘That’s a violation of privacy!’ Johnny found that he was genuinely angry: ‘I could sue them for that!’
Somewhere from behind Sue Reed coughed and yeah, judging by the look on Sue’s face violation of his privacy wasn’t the issue here.
Of course his cell chose this moment to ring with the theme song of Firefly which meant Bobby was calling him – and really he was surrounded by geeks.
‘Not now, Bobby.’ He hissed.
‘Did you see the paper?’ Bobby sounded panicked or frantic or maybe he was snickering, Johnny couldn’t tell. He was too distracted by Sue’s glare to make up his mind about Bobby’s voice.
‘Later, okay?’ He switched the cell off.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Sue asked again.
‘Come on, Sue,’ He tried an easy grin, not that that usually worked with Sue but maybe he was lucky today: ‘Bobby’s not the first guy I’ve slept with and he won’t be the last. It’s not like I’ve sworn off girls or such nonsense.’
‘Bobby Drake of the X-Men?’ Reed asked before Johnny could continue: ‘Did he mention how far Hank is-‘He stopped abruptly when Sue focused on him with a glare that had shut up super villains and alien invaders in the midst of their evil cackling and speeches of doom.
‘Look, I’m still your irresponsible, hotheaded brother. Nothing has changed, really.’ He tried again. Somewhere the phone began to ring and Reed left to answer it.
Sue hit him on the arm as an answer:
‘Then why didn’t you tell me?’ She sounded more hurt than angry now which was far worse. Johnny took a step forward and placed his hands on her shoulders:
‘Because it’s my own business. Remember, I promised to tell you should it ever become serious but it isn’t. You worry so much about me already that I didn’t want to make it worse.’ He rubbed her arms soothingly: ‘and on top of that I don’t ask you for details of your private life either.’
‘I’m still mad at you.’ She told him menacingly but less menacingly than five minutes ago.
‘Okay, okay.’ Johnny laughed relived and held his hands up in surrender: ‘I owe you one, I know.’
‘Hey.’ Reed came back in: ‘Peter wants to know if we’re going to give a press conference about this one.’
They did give a press conference. In four or five short sentences Johnny told the assembled journalists and photographers that his bisexuality was his own business, that the photos were a violation of both his and Bobby’s privacy and that they lived in a world where people could shoot fire out of their arse and grew wings t fly so they should be a bit more open-minded about trivial issues like who fucked whom before he stormed off.
Afterwards he called Bobby:
‘How was your day?’ He asked just because he wanted to hear Bobby’s outrage.
‘I was outed to my coworkers as an X-Man and to the X-Men as your boyfriend.’ Bobby told him sarcastically: ‘I was the subject of more bad puns today than I want to remember.’
‘How hard could they be?’ Johnny asked: ‘At least they already knew you’re gay.’
‘Bi.’ Bobby corrected him: ‘And I really hope that your sister kicked your ass.’
‘By the way, what did your ex-boyfriend say?’
‘Nothing yet but I believe he’s on the other side of the world, harassing the Chinese superhero community or something.’
Predictably Doom used the next morning to attack New York with his army of mechanic henchmen, probably believing that the Fantastic Four were weakened and split apart by the recent development in their middle. Especially since Ben and Alicia were still on isolated island No. 24 without internet and telephone and Reed and Sue attending a conference in Los Angeles.
‘I’m still mad at you.’ Was the first thing Bobby told him when he turned up.
‘I get that a lot lately.’
‘Doom Doom Doom Doom!’
‘God, I hate robots.’ Johnny sighed dramatically as the Doombots approached. Really, one would think that his sister’s ex-boyfriend had a metal fetish or something. Next to him, Bobby grinned:
‘Don’t tell that Iron Man.’
‘Iron Man can bite his shiny metal ass for all I care.’ Johnny exclaimed and began to envelop the Doombots in flames. It would really be easier if he could also control his flames but no all he could do was flying and burn his clothes when he became too excited or too careless, both happened more often than he cared to admit.
‘Hey, guys, need some help?’ Johnny couldn’t really figure out why or how but Bobby’s ex-boyfriend/best-friend/arch-nemesis stood next to them on the street, a flaming tiger lying lazily at his feet.
‘What are you doing here?’ Bobby groaned. John fried a Doombot before he answered.
‘Saving your ass.’
‘Shouldn’t you be in China?’
‘Russia and we came back last night, nice headline by the way, couldn’t your pseudo-mutant spider come up with something better?’ he grinned at Bobby: ‘Also, I wanted to have a word with your boyfriend.’ He laughed.
‘This is not going to be a ‘hurt him I’ll rip you limp from limp’ kind of talk, is it?’ Johnny asked suspiciously
‘You bet that it is.’ John replied with a jealous look at the fireballs from Johnny’s hands.
‘Seriously what is it with you and fire mutants named John?’
‘My name is Jonathan.’ Johnny said a touch haughtily and released a fireball in the general direction of a Doombot only to hit a lamp-post.
‘My name is St. John.’ John mimicked his voice to and let his fiery tiger attack the Doombots at the same time, only it attacked a Doombot that had already been frozen by Bobby.
‘Doesn’t helping the enemy go against your supervillain code or something?’ Johnny asked annoyed. He couldn’t see what Bobby had seen in this guy and still saw it, since they were still friends.
‘Supervillains don’t have rules.’ John told him: ‘And I’m not a supervillain anyway.’
‘More an annoying pest.’ Bobby interrupted but John ignored him:
‘I simply have a different opinion about the proper means the Mutants Civil Rights movement should take to reach its goal.’
‘St. John Allerdyce alias Pyro, Ladies and Gentlemen.’ Bobby made a grand gesture that conveniently killed two Doombots: ‘Juvenile delinquent, top-terrorist and post-graduate student of Classic Literature.’
‘Hey, you aren’t supposed to reveal your enemies’ name in public.’ John protested.
‘When you’re my enemy then why are you’re offering to help?’ Bobby asked clearly amused.
‘First, these are robots that make no difference between mutants and humans and are therefore worth my time.’ John explained: ‘And second, studying Classic Literature is still better than being an accountant.’
‘Hate to tell you that, Bobby’ Johnny said with a faked expression of intense discomfort on his face: ‘But I kind of see that eye to eye with your arch-nemesis.’
‘Arch-nemesis, really?’ John asked delightedly in the same moment Bobby protested:
‘I never said arch-nemesis. I said rival.’ Both John and Johnny rolled their eyes at that.
‘I’m just going to deal with the police then, okay?’ Bobby looked like he very much wanted to be very far away.
‘Hey, Johnny, want to get some ice cream?’ John asked: ‘We can share stories.’
‘Sure, why not.’
‘Hey, Ice-cube. Do you want some ice-cream, too?’ Bobby shot John a dirty look and Johnny grinned. He knew that look: asking Bobby if he wanted ice-cream was like asking if Johnny wanted sex; the answer was always yes.
They sat down on a bench with their ice while Bobby was talking to a police officer not too far away.
‘So, you and Bobby,’ John asked: ‘Is it serious?’
‘Didn’t you google me? I’m the Casanova of the superhero community.’ Johnny asked back: ‘What gave you the idea it could be serious?’
‘I know a guy who’s so focused on preserving his image that he wouldn’t admit being in love with this other guy if his life depended on it.’
‘I’m not in love with Bobby.’ Johnny answered honestly: ‘But it’s not a one-night stand or friends with benefits either.’
‘Don’t break his heart.’ John warned him.
‘Let me guess…or you’ll hurt me?’
‘No, but when this war is over I’m going to win back Bobby’s heart and I want it to be whole then.’ His face wore an expression between amused and wistful that made it look strange and somehow twisted: ‘I don’t share.’
‘You love him.’ Johnny said, amazed, but instead of an answer John stood up from the bench:
‘Maybe you could help out the X-Men once when they’re pestering the Brotherhood. I’d like to fight against you.’
‘Yeah, me, too.’ Johnny agreed. He watched as John passed Bobby and give him the ice he had bought. Bobby’s other hand touched John’s arm as if to make him stay and Johnny had to quench a sudden wave of jealousy that surged up in him but was gone as soon as Bobby had taken his hand from John and gave Johnny a smile over the police officer’s shoulder.
‘What did you and John talk about?’ Bobby asked curiously while devouring his ice-cream.
‘Oh, he just confessed his undying love for you and I admitted you were not bad.’
‘Ha Ha.’ Bobby rolled his eyes and thoroughly licked his fingers clean: ‘Maybe you should date some girl until the media frenzy has calmed down.’
‘Nah, you’ll get some curtains for your flat and we’ll be fine. At the latest after the next unavoidable alien invasion is avoided the people will have forgotten that I swing both ways and I’ll be everybody’s’ favourite hero again.’
‘But then you can’t claim that ‘Aliens made you do it’ Bobby snickered.
‘You’re such a geek.’
‘Which will spoil your image only further: Accountant, geek, are you sure about the girl-thing?’
‘Because everyone will think that you only date me because you can’t get Reed…’
‘Ewww and as you said, you’re an accountant and not a scientist and you two look vastly different-‘
‘And John will probably kill you if you break up with me now.’
Johnny thought so, too but didn’t say it. Instead he put an arm around Bobby’s shoulders and asked:
‘So, we’ll go curtain-shopping and then I’ll fuck you on your kitchen table?’
Bobby gave him one of his mischievous grins that made Johnny know why exactly he had chosen him out of millions of available people and whispered:
‘If you think we’ll make that far.’